It was three and a half years ago and yet I can still picture the ultrasound tech as she searched the black and white image on the giant screen in front of us. She showed us two tiny little hands, ten tiny little fingers, and ten tiny little toes. And then I heard the words “It’s a girl.” To put it lightly, I was shocked. I was so convinced that I was having a boy that I never even considered that it COULD be a girl. And, if I’m being completely honest, I was scared. In that moment, the image of a little boy, who looked just like my husband, vanished. And the name we had picked out years ago went up in flames. I remember walking to the car, with a smile on my face, but in my heart I was panicking a little. I opened the car door and looked at my husband and said “A girl?!” I told him I didn’t feel prepared for it. I didn’t know what to do with a girl. I felt like there was more pressure on me as a parent. You know, to teach her how to be a lady and to instill in her confidence and grace. And I was scared.
You see, I knew boys. I’d lived with my dad and my brother for years. My husband came into the picture when I was sixteen years old, and from then on I spent most of my time with him. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I did have a few girl friends, and I played volleyball in high school, but they weren’t who I spent the majority of time with. I just didn’t connect with most girls. And, simply put, my boyfriend was my best friend. He later became my husband and the amazing father of our two girls. But, when I was pregnant with my first daughter, I just couldn’t imagine having a girl. I couldn’t picture it, and the whole idea of it scared me.
That’s just the beauty of it though. God knew exactly what I needed. I’d spent so much time around boys and he sent me girls to make my life whole. To give me some balance, and ultimately, to give me friends. Although my girls are little, I look forward to the days when they are grown and we can meet for lunch and shopping. For going to movies and having wine with them. For laughing and crying with them. And for just being there for them. God knew I needed not just one, but TWO girls, to show me so many wonderful things about life. And in my wildest dreams I could never have imagined being here. Yet, here I am, and I wouldn’t want it any other way!
Blaire is now almost 3 and Emma is 8 months old. And these two girls have taught me more about life in their few short years than I could have learned in a lifetime spent with girl friends. I got the greatest gift of all in my two daughters. I got best friends.
Thank you, Blaire and Emma, for showing me what it is like to have a daughter. Thank you for wearing the endless bows on your heads. For looking at me with all the adoration in the world, and telling me I look beautiful. Thank you for wanting to play with my makeup, and for always being up for a pedicure or manicure. Thank you for laughing with me, and for just wanting to be with me. I will always want to bake with you and snuggle up on the couch to look at Pinterest for party ideas. I will never ever turn down “hugs and kisses,” and I’ll always be ready to go to Target whenever you want to. My prayer is that I can teach you everything you need to face this world. I know I’ll mess up, and I’ll do things wrong. But all I can hope is that you know that you can do whatever and become whoever you want. The world is your oyster, and I will always be behind you cheering you on.
Someday, I may get to watch you fall in love. I might get to watch you walk down the aisle on your daddy’s arm. I may get to watch you, too, become moms. And I pray that somewhere in between all this, we become best friends.
Thank you, God, for giving me what I never knew I always needed.